The Paradox in our culture.
My grandmother always loves her sons, my uncles, more than my mother Vivian. For her, they are her beacon of future. She used to dream about living with them, but everything changes soon. One of the sons she loves so much has his own family. He only shows up while necessary. The other takes care of her but she doesn't cherish him much, torturing his wife with multiple reasons.
My mother is her least favorite, and she shows it extremely obviously.
It doesn't mean she hates my mother. On the contrary, she takes care of her two children, me and my brother, when my mother isn't available. She looks after her after her labor. According to my grandmother's belief, those jobs aren't assigned to her but my father's mother. In our culture, that's what a mother-in-law in Father's side should do. However, she did it anyway.
She claims my mother as sprinkled water after her getting married, but she doesn't leave her completely.
Sometimes, I wonder what she is thinking. She is a great woman who supports her family when her husband couldn't, but she is also the woman who didn't give my mother eggs in her porridge because she thought she wasn't worthy.
It's what we Taiwanese women have faced for a long time. Our culture isolates married women from the original home. Even after we are dead, we can't be buried aside our parents, because it violates the rules undergone in the culture and many people think it would bring bad luck to the original family.
I don't buy it at all. I told my mother that it's absurd. Everything concerning women in our culture is absurd.
We can not come home on the first day of Chinese New Year because it would bring bad luck to our family. The one raises us, feed us and educate us.
We can not take the traditional incense to worship our ancestors because it would bring bad luck to our family.
We can not be buried aside our parents because it would bring bad luck to our family.
How much bad luck a married woman can bring to their family?
It's like a religion. Women need to follow the rules because if anything happens this year, people will blame all to us. Hardly do women question it since that's what our parents, families and friends do.
Even I bought it in the first place. My mother is a traditional woman. She is afraid that my husband and families in law might not accept me fully, so she has cultivated those ideas since I was about eight.
Before I knew who I was, my mother has started to worry about marriage. In Taiwan, marrying well is always better than working hard and earning money on one's own. I need to learn to be a good wife before I learn to be who I am.
That's what Taiwanese women face. That's what Asian women face.
My grandmother taught my mother and she taught me. However, she lost control over me. I don't care about what my future husband would think when he knows my lack of ability to cook because he hasn't mattered now. If I learnt to cook, it must have been what I wish to do rather than a gesture to please someone else. I don't care about what my future families in law think because they would never matter to me. The only thing they could get from me is respect. I can never love them as much as my old families.
If we want to rebel against the society, we can't rely on men because mostly they are privileged. They would benefit from the original system. We need to act first. Be who we are, do what we love to and find where to stay. This is a new world and we need to change ourselves in the first place. The paradox would always exist if we never pay attention.
My mother is her least favorite, and she shows it extremely obviously.
It doesn't mean she hates my mother. On the contrary, she takes care of her two children, me and my brother, when my mother isn't available. She looks after her after her labor. According to my grandmother's belief, those jobs aren't assigned to her but my father's mother. In our culture, that's what a mother-in-law in Father's side should do. However, she did it anyway.
She claims my mother as sprinkled water after her getting married, but she doesn't leave her completely.
Sometimes, I wonder what she is thinking. She is a great woman who supports her family when her husband couldn't, but she is also the woman who didn't give my mother eggs in her porridge because she thought she wasn't worthy.
It's what we Taiwanese women have faced for a long time. Our culture isolates married women from the original home. Even after we are dead, we can't be buried aside our parents, because it violates the rules undergone in the culture and many people think it would bring bad luck to the original family.
I don't buy it at all. I told my mother that it's absurd. Everything concerning women in our culture is absurd.
We can not come home on the first day of Chinese New Year because it would bring bad luck to our family. The one raises us, feed us and educate us.
We can not take the traditional incense to worship our ancestors because it would bring bad luck to our family.
We can not be buried aside our parents because it would bring bad luck to our family.
How much bad luck a married woman can bring to their family?
It's like a religion. Women need to follow the rules because if anything happens this year, people will blame all to us. Hardly do women question it since that's what our parents, families and friends do.
Even I bought it in the first place. My mother is a traditional woman. She is afraid that my husband and families in law might not accept me fully, so she has cultivated those ideas since I was about eight.
Before I knew who I was, my mother has started to worry about marriage. In Taiwan, marrying well is always better than working hard and earning money on one's own. I need to learn to be a good wife before I learn to be who I am.
That's what Taiwanese women face. That's what Asian women face.
My grandmother taught my mother and she taught me. However, she lost control over me. I don't care about what my future husband would think when he knows my lack of ability to cook because he hasn't mattered now. If I learnt to cook, it must have been what I wish to do rather than a gesture to please someone else. I don't care about what my future families in law think because they would never matter to me. The only thing they could get from me is respect. I can never love them as much as my old families.
If we want to rebel against the society, we can't rely on men because mostly they are privileged. They would benefit from the original system. We need to act first. Be who we are, do what we love to and find where to stay. This is a new world and we need to change ourselves in the first place. The paradox would always exist if we never pay attention.
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